Dysfunctional
by LilBabyCoco
Summary: Season 5 CM. no plot.


Season 5 Mondler randomness. (Everyone knows.)

Disclaimer: I won none of them.. Except Courteney. She's **mine**.

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"Baby?"

"Mhmm?"

"Why are four of my bra's hanging off your shower rail?"

"Y'know, that's a really good question!"

"And are you going to answer it?"

"I wish I could, but I'm really occupied right now."

"Oh, you really look it."

"Mhmm."

"Chandler, we **just** this minute had sex."

"So?"

"_So,_ get your hand outta my pants."

"Sorry."

"_And _out of my top too!"

"My apologies, Miss Geller."

"So….?"

"So….what?"

"Explain yourself, Bing."

"There's nothing to explain!"

"So my bra's are just hanging there for no reason? This isn't a museum, Chandler. You can't just pay people to come into your apartment and view my bra's."

"Monica, what the hell are you going on about?"

"I'm trying to defend my underwear being so indecently exposed."

"Oh, so its okay when you paraded around for me in a black lacy teddy and Ross walked in?"

"How dare you!"

"Oh man, that felt good."

"Chandler, this isn't a competition."

"Only because you're losing."

"I am **not**!"

"Oh, you are."

"I'm NOT!"

"Oh, victory is sweet."

"Stop it."

"I didn't start anything."

"You're trying to change the subject!"

"Well you're the one who's getting worked up over your underwear. I have every reason to change the subject."

"I am **_not_** getting worked up!"

"Monica, I can see the vein popping on your forehead."

"I do not have a vein!"

"Yes you do. Look. Right…there."

"Oh, you know what?"

"What?"

"Sometimes you can be, so…"

"Amazing? Sexy? Charming?"

"_**GRRR!"**_

"Sweetie, I don't mean to alarm you, but you're beginning to look slightly abnormal."

"Stop mocking me."

"Oh, give it a rest. Please."

"Just tell me!"

"What?"

"**CHANDLER!"**

"What! This is fun."

"Tell me!"

"Guess."

"NO!"

"Go, on, its fun."

"For you, maybe."

"I swear you'll enjoy it too."

"How!"

"Because you'll get your answer then!"

"I do like that."

"So…"

"Have you broken all your dishes and reverted to using my bras as plates?"

"What! I didn't realise you were so flat Mon."

"Oh, so I have big boobs?"

"Well, yeah."

"You make that sound like a problem!"

"No, no not at all honey. They're nice boobies really."

"Just….'nice'!"

"No, no of course not. They're wonderful really. Lovely, round and perky. Very squeezable."

"Chandler, stop squeezing them."

"I'm not!"

"Well, stop touching them."

"You're my girlfriend. If I want to touch your boobies, I will touch them. If I want to squeeze them, I will. See? **_Honk, honk_**."

"…."

"Oh, stop being so moody."

"Well, stop squeezing my boobies."

"You're _very_ exasperating, you know that?"

"You love me really."

"Eh…"

"Asshole!"

"Bitch."

"Boobie squeezer!"

"Vein-popper!"

"Can we not talk about that?"

"Well, can we talk about your boobs?"

"NO!"

"Vein-popper. Vein-popper! Vein-popper, Vein-popper, vein-"

"CHANDLER!"

"Oooh, there it is again! Look, it's welling up like a water balloon!"

"Did you use my bra's to fling water balloons off the roof!"

"What! How the-"

"You did, didn't you!"

"No!"

"Chandler!"

"Hey, it was Joey's idea!"

"And I didn't pop into your head at all!"

"Well you did, but only in ways I cannot mention."

"Why can't you mention them?"

"Because you'll slap me again."

"That was not a slap, that was a gentle tap."

"And this red mark on my arm would be…?"

"You're such a baby."

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Because you're always right, _right?_"

"Right."

"Hmm."

"….."

"What?"

"That mark looks nasty."

"Well, it is."

"OW! Don't touch it!"

"Can I kiss it?"

"Oh, yeah, that's fine."

"Better?"

"Mhm. Y'know, my lips are kinda sore too."

"They look fine to me."

"No, they're very red and sore."

"Chandler, that's my lipstick on them."

"What! You put it there."

"I didn't hear you complaining at the time."

"Oh I wasn't. Cover me in it, by all means."

"Is that an invitation or an order?"

"Do you have to question _everything_?"

"Do **_you_** have to question everything?"

"I wonder about us sometimes."

"Me too."

"Why are we postponing sex here?"

"I don't know. Talking is good I guess."

"Eh…"

"It is!"

"I guess."

"I love you."

"Okay, talking is good."

"I win!"

"Damn."

"Ha-HA!"

"Oh, you'll pay for that."

"How?"

"I don't know."

"Loser!"

"Control Freak!"

"GRR!"

"You're welcome, sweetheart."


End file.
